Trust Me On This One...

Trust and trauma

We know how important trust is to build and nurture important relationships. But for survivors of trauma, it’s even more challenging, because usually, someone in our life has broken that trust by betraying or hurting us.

And it’s not only trusting those around us that proves to be difficult, it’s also learning to trust ourselves and put faith in our ability to make the right decisions. We find that we blame ourselves and set borders and boundaries if others violate our trust.

Trust you…

Put simply, our lack of trust is a coping strategy that manifests, and as a result we choose not to rely or trust anyone; we feel terrified that something is at risk with such a connection.

Learning to trust ourselves is a crucial step to start healing and to create heaven in our lives. But guess what? We can learn to trust again. How do I know? Because I’ve been there. I am a survivor of trauma with trust issues.

Once trust is broken, can you get it back? YES! For those who have been victims of trauma, you will likely think that you cannot rely on anyone but yourself – and even that is questionable. After all, trust, as you know it, has been shredded to pieces, stomped on, and thrown into a fire. So why in the world would you want to trust the next person that comes along? Or the person in the mirror?

Our minds are strong and they work to protect us. They will put up walls, borders, and blare train horns to keep us from trusting when we have been so broken in the past. It is a coping strategy designed by our complex body. We may not even realize we are doing it.

We may even overgeneralize others, lumping every potential relationship into the role of someone to be untrusted for one particular reason or another. Meanwhile the entire time – it is you that you cannot trust. Maybe you think that you can’t trust yourself to make a good decision. Or, maybe you feel that if you let yourself open up to trusting someone, you will be harmed again and it will be your fault.

So, let’s start tearing down that wall, shall we?

Teal Swan’s video on TRUST (What is Trust and How to Build Trust in Relationships) defines trust as: “I can rely on you to capitalize on my self-interests.” No, that doesn’t mean that you are relinquishing control of yourself for someone else’s benefit. And no, as Teal Swan says, it does not mean that you are asking for the other party in the relationship to look out for your self-interests more than their own.

Before you can successfully build trust in a relationship, you need to have the answers to the following because, if you don’t know, then your partner surely can’t know:

1.    Define what it is that you really want and really need

2.    Define what your best interests are

3.    From this list to determine what is really true for you

4.    Create opportunities to practice what is true for you

When you are in a relationship, you become together with other as “oneness.” This means that not only are you to look out for your own best interest, but for the best interest for your partner, as well. You cannot hurt the other person without hurting yourself. This is how you discover a win-win situation. The broken trust comes when the self-interest of the other party is not honored.

Speaking of trust in relationships, your heart and mind are in a relationship with one another. Many times, one does not understand the action or reaction of the other one. The mind could be in fear and tell you to run, while your heart begins to break. Or your heart can be full of love and your mind is telling you, “no, this is not a good idea!” It is up to you to find the balance between the two so that they may complement each other, rather than fall apart. Looking out for the best interest of each is how you develop intimacy in your relationship between your heart and mind. 

Practice makes everything better. When you were learning to ride a bicycle, and fell, you didn’t just get up and run back in the house, did you? No! You likely – with some persuasion -- got back on the bike, skinned knees and all, and tried again. Trust is the same way. You don’t just run away from it because you had it and it was broken. No! You dust yourself off and try again. Maybe you need some of that childhood persuasion to do so.

Ready to take the challenge?

If so, you are your own biggest fan – or you should be. And, if you aren’t, perhaps you may find it helpful to take a look at the 7 Day Self-Trust Challenge. Shawn Phelps teaches us how to trust ourselves again. Remember, if we cannot trust ourselves, we cannot trust others. In her challenge, she asks that you pick a goal and trust yourself to do it for 7 days. Phelps insists that this be something you want to do, not something difficult. For example, give yourself permission to watch one episode of your favorite TV show every night. Keep track of your progress and decide on a reward for yourself once completed.

When you learn to trust yourself, the hardest part is over. You can do it.

www,janinenaus.com

If you’d like to talk more about how to build trust in your Click here to schedule your complimentary 30-minute Trauma Relief Strategy Session with me.

© 2017 Janine Naus

Feel the Fear...

Today we take a close look at the feeling of fear.  We all experience it, but we don't often address or talk about it.  Why?  Because it makes us dread something we may (or may not!) experience in the future.  Too often, we are frozen and hold our fears as if it's happening right here, right now.  Fear makes us anxious, upset and concerned; and it is one of the most common barriers to creating heaven...

Let's dig a bit deeper into the these four questions:

Have I surrendered?

What does it mean to surrender? To surrender means to give up control to an authority. In regard to fear, surrendering would mean that you have given in to the fear. You have kicked through your walls that have made you worry and panic.

Have I surrendered enough?

How do you know if you have surrendered enough? Can you picture yourself waving the white flag at fear? Surrendering enough means that you will no longer find yourself getting anxious, upset, or worried over a fear. Enough means that you acknowledged your fear and let it go -- because you now know that it is not real. It is just a tiny part of who you are -- it is not the whole package.

When you are able to find comfort in the face of fear, then you know you have surrendered enough.

Is there any other way I can transform my fear?

You always have the power to transform your fear. You are in control. You can let it grip you and hold you hostage in a moment or you can face it and know that it is just a feeling -- it is not reality. Fears are the "what ifs" that we have been taught through the experiences in our life. We are expecting something terrible to happen when it may actually never happen.

If you don’t think it, then you will never have to fear it.

Are you coming from love, or coming from Fear?

How do you react to certain situations? When faced with a situation that encompass a fear that is a part of you, how you react will determine if you are coming from love or fear.

Coming from fear means that you will find yourself getting worked up. Your adrenaline increases and you are faced with a fight or flight scenario. Your may get anxious, you may panic, you may start to feel as if you have been completely consumed by your fear.

However, if you are coming from love, you will smile as you notice the fear. You accept that it is a part of you. But, because you have surrendered control, you know that it is there, but you aren't afraid. You embrace your fear. You have found peace in overcoming your fear.

Fear is not something we are born with -- it is something we are taught. It is a learned behavior that makes us who we are. We can either choose to accept it and live or we can choose to succumb to its misery. The choice is yours!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

Do you want to talk further about fear and your feelings? Click here to schedule your complimentary 30-minute Trauma Relief Strategy Session with me.

© 2017 Janine Naus

A Soul Reunion

It was a dark night.  I sat under the stars gazing into the night sky.  I saw a shooting star and thought to myself, "Could that be me flying across the sky?"  I sat with that thought and imagined that star propelling through the sky.  "Could it be me?"  I asked again.  The answer came to me and it was a resounding, "Yes!" 

We choose the path we take.  We choose the trajectory of our lives.  And sometimes our life is as amazing as a shooting star.  Life comes at you fast with all sorts of experiences.  It is in our ability to stand up and move forward that allows for the trajectory to Being.

I am on a trajectory now.  Life is coming at me faster than I can imagine.  It is all good as I am never alone on this journey.  I am always safe.  All intents and purposes to be addressed.  Flow with life.  Flow like a shooting star.  See yourself as an amazing star rising in the sky and painting a beautiful picture along the landscape of the Universe.

It may seem beyond reach but it has always been within reach.  It has always been about the journey within.  Tap into that immense, infinite heart you have and let it paint the sky.  Have no fear.  Break out from your fears and see the beauty that abounds you.  Your heart will reach many hearts.  Your beauty will glow and that glow will light up many dark skies.

Take stock in what you do have to offer no matter how large or small.  These are gifts to share.  They offer insight to the hearts and minds of others.  Be one with all as there is no separation.  Separation comes from fearful thoughts the mind conjures.  You can always return to Oneness the moment you choose.  It is always there for all of YOU to see.

See the immense beauty in all creation.  Savor the moments that often come by without notice. They come and they go but it is often in those moments the greatest lessons come to you.  Breath those moments in, bless them and set them free.  Enjoy the gifts a moment brings.

This is where joy comes...from seeing the immense beauty, such as the stars shining in the night sky.  They flicker and seem to always be present but all things change and so will all things in life.  Nothing ever stays the same as everything here on earth is but an experience.  All of life and everything here on earth is a dream born into experiences.  Enjoy the ride.  See it for the beauty it brings.  Sometimes the ride may be bumpy and sometimes it is a smooth sail.  It is all an experience that comes and goes.  It's the beauty about creating and experiencing.  How would one know the true beauty of something without having the experience of some darkness?  There is no place else for the soul to experience such.  So honor your soul's desire to experience, as it is truly you in all Oneness.  See that, feel that, hear that, touch that, be that and know your senses go beyond all that.

Mark today as a new start, a new beginning into a journey of a lifetime.  There is so much to experience and so much you will share with the world.  Breath into that...moment by moment.  Choose to savor those moments.  See the life you have chosen as Soul as it is already manifested in the Mind's Eye.  Breathe into that.  Savor those moments.  See the beauty that leaps across the night sky.

Mirror the life your Soul wants to express.  Seek its guidance...on what your Soul desires and ask for our support to carry that out.  You already have it now, step into it.  We've been waiting.  Your heart calls out to you.  Fears cast aside as the immense infinite Universe opens for that star to shine.  You've stepped into the trajectory of your life, our life, as One.  Beloved you are love.  You are the life experienced.  You are the gift of Soul.  You are the Soul of all creation.  Share it.  Be it.  Experience it.

It's been with you all along.  Your stories are many.  Your experiences are the gifts.  Share it.  Show how they opened your eyes to the immense beauty one can experience in the moment.  Share it.  Write all about it.

I wrote this blog post in a 30-minute writing exercise where I simply let the words flow from the keyboard onto a blank Microsoft Word document.  Since that experience I Am stepping into my writing flow.  You can step into your flow too (whatever you desire that to be)..

Please check out my first book: 
Creating Heaven Wherever I Am:  Pain To Paradise, Traumatic Experiences Giving Way To The Values & Love Within.

In this book, I will guide you on a journey of exploration. You’re here because you are ready for change, and ready to work through your experience with trauma. There’s a seed within you that touched your heart. You are now ready to move forward from your traumatic experiences.

Do you want to talk further about fear and your feelings? Click here to schedule your complimentary 30-minute Trauma Relief Strategy Session with me.

© 2017 Janine Naus